Contemplations on the spirit of Liminal time'In this liminal time, we can evoke what really matters to us. In this blog I contemplate the means to understand one self and the motivation that moves us to unfold in heart and soul.'
A personal sharing on how ones path can unfold..
Born into...
A crazy situation, aren't many of us!? Youngest, oldest and only born child of Marianne Jacobs who was in her turn the youngest of 5 children. My mother, daughter of Jeanne Roode- Jacobs and Drs. Karel Frederik Jacobs, the only one of their children born on Dutch soil. My uncles, all three of them, born and raised in The Dutch Indies and my aunt, born in Chile. My Grandfather on my mothers side was tropical agronomy engineer by trade so they ventured the globe. It was only at the later years of their marriage that they would settle and live her were they would take root one last time and raise my mom, and eventually me as well, but I'll get to that..
My dad, Rene Rutger Antonius Paul Webb, the mystical prince whom I miss each and every step I take was married with four children when he met my mother at the hospital where they both worked at that time. My father, doctor in cardiology and my mother, nurse and his assistant. As you can tell I was his last born.. Papa, second son of Maria Louise 'Rietje' Webb Husser and Rutger John Felix 'Tutti' Webb. His elder bother passed some years prior through terminal disease. Papa, born in Utrecht during the second WW in secret, due to my grandparents responsibility in the Dutch Indonesian resistance group. At the time of his birth woman and children were kept in secret for safety purposes of course. My beloved grandfather Tutti was taken under arrest and shot on September 4th 1944, when my father was 5 months of age.. The loss of my opa must have been devastating and my grandmother Rietje rapidly remarried and would later give birth to another daughter and another son. I can not share more details at this time, as my father passed in a fatal car accident in 1992. If you want to learn more on the history of my grandfather Tutti you can consult the literature of Ernst Jansz as his father and my grandfather grew up being close friends in Batavia and later came to the Netherlands together.
Fast Forward.. to 1992 the year I lost. I just lost, at least that's how I felt. One Massive Loss. Leaving me completely lost, scared shitless and unable to breathe. ( thank God for kretek, crazy how one can feel comfort in this when out of breath.. ) During this year I didn't just loose my dad, I lost my mom as well. I lost every bit of grip that I thought to have and the world just completely imploded. It is only now, in 2025 that I can see this clear as bright light. My mothers second partner recently passed away and, seeing her grieve and experiencing her handling this grief, shows me so much about how lost I was at that time.
So the year 1992, I turned 8 that year. I clung tightly to my mothers parents; opa en oma Jacobs. I have the most loving and warm memories of that time, being over there a lot. Endless walks with my opa in the forest, pedicures and embroideries with my oma, she used to be so diligent. I loved them, especially my opa, he was my Rock and I was his, that's what it felt like to me... He would take me to all kinds of fun places, nature expeditions, cultural outings, playgrounds, shopping; it was the best. He would take me with him on his trips down memory lane and share his adventures from all around the globe. And oh, the beauty of all their memories and beautiful treasures collected. Stories, pictures, artwork and stamps. I would just soak it all in. They would read to me and I could drift away in a dreamlike state between worlds..
Working with Tarot came very naturally. I got my very first deck when I was browsing an esoteric bookstore in Utrecht with my mother. My mother bought the Findhorn cards for herself, which connect the traditional tarot with myths and fairytales. Although this deck would initially have been much more appropriate for my age at the time, I chose the Rider Waite- Smith tarot myself. A strange choice for a child not yet 12 years old. I sorted the cards and put them in my room on a kind of altar-like place next to some candles and the human skull that my grandfather had once found and brought back during his work in the desert. (Bizarre that this was actually possible in the past)
There came books. Seas and piles of esoteric books with all kinds of translations of the symbolism. For me it was all a great refuge, back inside where I could determine my own reality. I got to know the cards from the inside out and got my own associations with them. That developed into a palette of symbolism that I later learned to organize at Karen's school. There appeared to be both similarities and differences in the explanation. For example, I read about the archetypal meaning of symbols and, like everyone else, I also have my own story about certain images. That's how I interpret dreams and image language in general. According to numerology, the Empress is an important card for me and I have really come to feel that way over the years.
Yoga is and always was a way to be able to continue to function - sort of - sharing practice just happened naturally that way.. It came from deep inside. I was 15 years old and staying with my friend Leonie when I started talking about it. My sister went to yoga in the city and it just appealed to me. In Huizen there was no talk of that at that time for a teenager so it had to wait. Another 2 full years before I stood on the mat for the first time. You can read about my practice here.
Patanjali.. states that Dharma includes virtue, justice, law, duty, morality, religion, religious merit and steadfast decree. Sutra 4.29
We cultivate constructive behavior to replace less constructive ones and slowly be unravel our natural state and share our talents trough a meditative state. Hence we slowly unravel the karmic passport and practice equanimity of mind to life in righteousness. a practice of multiple lifetimes..
The Karmic passport.. are inborn traits in our behavior; behavioral patters or samskara. 'As we sow, so shall we reap' is but the outer layer of the Karmic riddle. We all have been to that place or in that moment where we just feel trapped with our own decision making. What ever we do, we keep on ending up at the same place, with the same kind of outcome.. Yes, I know you've been there before. These subconscious behavioral patterns are almost always directed through karmic accounts causing us to behave in the same patterns over and over again. This can be due to karma created in this current life time and it can be caused through past time karmic accounts. Whatever the reason or cause, we practice equanimity of mind in this process of becoming aware of these karmic imprints.
Over the years.. I've come to understand that it is part of my own Dharma to travel between worlds. The world within and the world out there. What once was a refuge has become worn path. We all have these inborn traits, vices, virtues and a medicine to share. Below you find a picture of me with my parents, I am truly grateful.
Unfolding over time...When studying cycles, there are quite a few remarkable moments that indicate either isolated events and/ or periods of time that direct us to living a righteous path: Dharma. The celestial dance, to me is a miraculous tool to read the quality of presence and its potential. I find it both effective and helpful to witness these cycles, in the midst of all that is constantly changing. It gives me so much joy to know that humans found a coherence in life on Earth in relation to the celestial sphere. There are as we know, many ways to study the language of stars.
Cultures and societies all over the planet found slightly different ways to monitor the cosmic dance and our relation to it. Each conveying a bundle of symbols to explain our unique path to walk. Astrology readings can give great insight into ones karmic passport. I can't wait to dive into all of this together. You can read about my astrology practice here.
